Tight hugs, nervous smiles, and questions galore are the things filling our house these days. Anxiety is high among the girls as we transition back to school after our fabulous summer off. Friday Norah checked out her new room at daycare for 45 minutes while I finished paperwork, introduced the girls to their new teachers and dropped off supplies. Norah was not a happy camper at her new daytime hangout, but I didn't figure it would be fun the first few times so I had mentally prepared myself for the worst. Things went better than expected so 45 minutes later my cheerful chicas were in the van and headed for a yummy picnic lunch.
Monday was a completely different story. Tears were the theme of the day. I wonder how the girls (Grace in particular) could worry so much. She is such a dare devil when it comes to activities, but then has so much anxiety when it comes to transition. Then, as I was balling my eyes out on my drive to work after drop off, I realized all of the anxiety that I am feeling and wondered if she is (consciously or subconsiously, take your pick) pulling it from me. Could I be the cause of my over-anxious daughters nervous questioning?
As my time at home comes to an end I am saddened by the thought that the last year has been a wonderful gift that I will never get back. I am anxious to let go of my baby in fear that she will be my last. I am anxious that she is going to a place that I have not prepared her for, as I have spoiled her the last 13 months. I am anxious that my brain will not transition back to a state of higher-order thinking after not producing anything over a first-grade reading level for the past year. I am anxious.
In addition to my anxiety over transitioning back to work I have noticed my choices lately are not ones that will aid in calming my nerves, but are probably exacerbating them. In place of my feet hitting the pavement I have chosen the spoon-to-mouth workout. (Yep, I am cheating on Mark with Ben and Jerry) I have gained 10 pounds, added 4 minutes to my 5k time, and have spent far too much time questioning what constitutes a healthy body. So, I am declaring an end to my anxiety. Bring on transition. I will survive. The girls will survive. Mark will survive. I will get back to running, develop a schedule that fits all of our needs and take things one day...hour...minute...at a time. I love my job...be it a mom, a wife, a chef, a housekeeper, a taxi driver, a teacher. I am going to control the things that I can and stop worrying about the things that I can't. Outside of a few hiccups, I believe this has been one of the best years yet. I am excited for one of my best school years ever.
Monday was a completely different story. Tears were the theme of the day. I wonder how the girls (Grace in particular) could worry so much. She is such a dare devil when it comes to activities, but then has so much anxiety when it comes to transition. Then, as I was balling my eyes out on my drive to work after drop off, I realized all of the anxiety that I am feeling and wondered if she is (consciously or subconsiously, take your pick) pulling it from me. Could I be the cause of my over-anxious daughters nervous questioning?
As my time at home comes to an end I am saddened by the thought that the last year has been a wonderful gift that I will never get back. I am anxious to let go of my baby in fear that she will be my last. I am anxious that she is going to a place that I have not prepared her for, as I have spoiled her the last 13 months. I am anxious that my brain will not transition back to a state of higher-order thinking after not producing anything over a first-grade reading level for the past year. I am anxious.
In addition to my anxiety over transitioning back to work I have noticed my choices lately are not ones that will aid in calming my nerves, but are probably exacerbating them. In place of my feet hitting the pavement I have chosen the spoon-to-mouth workout. (Yep, I am cheating on Mark with Ben and Jerry) I have gained 10 pounds, added 4 minutes to my 5k time, and have spent far too much time questioning what constitutes a healthy body. So, I am declaring an end to my anxiety. Bring on transition. I will survive. The girls will survive. Mark will survive. I will get back to running, develop a schedule that fits all of our needs and take things one day...hour...minute...at a time. I love my job...be it a mom, a wife, a chef, a housekeeper, a taxi driver, a teacher. I am going to control the things that I can and stop worrying about the things that I can't. Outside of a few hiccups, I believe this has been one of the best years yet. I am excited for one of my best school years ever.
2 comments:
:( so sad for you. Your girls will be fine as will you but I completely understand what you're going through. Being a mom is one tough job but you're one of the best!!!
Don't be too hard on yourself. This transition is huge, and it's okay to be upset. I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK!
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