Perspective

After a few months of quiet anticipation, we were finally able to share with the girls that our family of 5 is expanding. I have never experienced a joy quite like it. It was pure. It was simple. It was love outpoured. It is my new definition of what happiness looks like and it will be ingrained in my memory as the epitome of true joy. I love my family of 5 and can't wait for it to soon be 6!

However; I am quickly starting to see that, sadly, the difference between sharing the excitement over baby #4 is vastly different from sharing the excitement over baby #1. I'm unsure of how the miracle of life gets downplayed based on birth order, but I am sad that this baby is somehow perceived as less "special" because he/she is preceded by three sisters. The comments I have gotten with this baby astonish me.

"Whoa, what is this!? Like, number 10?!"

"It's called Natural Family Planning...how did you mess that up?"

"Oh, great, now what am I going to do if you go on maternity leave?"

All of these comments were made by co-workers. In a Catholic school, I am saddened by this. I don't expect the same excitement over a fourth baby since we have an already established family, but I was disappointed and hurt. I followed up these comments with, "Umm...I think it's customary for you to say, Congratulations." Cue awkward silence.

When Mark shared his excitement in the form of an email to his co-workers, he had similar reactions. He announced our big news and invited them to celebratory donuts that he placed in the lounge for everyone. He was passed by a co-worker in the hall who saw him and the first and only thing he said...

"Oh, yeah. I forgot to get a donut, I wonder if there are any left."

Though Mark and I laugh at these things, the girls struggled with a similar surprise when their excitement wasn't reciprocated. After the big reveal they were met with quiet shock instead of contagious excitement. Of course, Emma took it the hardest.  After telling our family our fun news, she went back to change clothes and sat back in her room listening to the discussion. What she overheard broke her heart. She was expecting hugs, joy, and congratulations. It didn't quite turn out that way. What I thought was Emma having a meltdown over finding clothes to change into from her communion dress, was actually hurt feelings in her excitement not being shared.

I sat back in her room with her while she cried. Her obnoxious tendencies, her need for attention and her loud ways so often overshadow her big heart and sensitive nature. It is a side of Emma that often gets overlooked and one that makes me so proud to be her mom. Her point of view can be so refreshing. Her perspective that day...every child is a blessing that should be celebrated.

Mark and I have shared some of the funny comments that we have received from people with the girls, and they have seen that we can only control our own reactions, not those of others. We have highlighted the amazing people that do share our excitement.... my sister sending funny texts on what NOT to name the baby. Emma's teacher who screamed out loud when she heard the news; scaring the whole class. The boy in religion class who prayed that Grace's new baby would be healthy. Norah's teacher who pretended that she didn't see it on social media, just so that Norah could be the first one to tell her. I am so thankful for these people. I am so thankful for Mark and the girls. I am so thankful for this baby. You are loved, baby #4. To the moon and back.