All souls day

Many have taken time to share their stories with us in hopes of helping us better understand the situation in which we have found ourselves. I have learned some of the most touching and intimate details of journeys that friends have taken as they have said goodbye to their sweet babes. I have been touched most by the amount of friends that have buried babies named William, and I am comforted knowing that when our Will gets called home, he will be among friends. Please know, if you have shared your story with us, on this All Souls Day, Will and I spent our day praying for you and your baby by name. Your baby has not and will not be forgotten. 

As we prayed for all of those babies who have been lost, I cannot yet begin to understand the pain and grief that those families have endured saying goodbye to their children, and it made me think of all of those who have referred to Will as our "cross to bear." It makes me angry when people refer to him like this, as he is not something that we feel we have to bear. We don't feel burdened by him. We don't feel as though his creation was a mistake. We don't feel like we got unlucky. And through all the grief that our friends have endured, they didn't see their children this way either.

Since the thought of losing him is in the back of my head instead of at the forefront, this All Souls Day has helped me realize that people aren't referring to Will as our cross, they are referring to his death as our cross. The fact that we may lose him earlier that we "should" and will have to establish a life knowing what it is like to live without him. So today I am thankful that today isn't that day. This is not a cross we carry, so today we will continue to try to lift up those who do.