The power of music

Like most people, music speaks to my heart. I love all genres; from rap to country, americana to latin; my playlist is all over the place. I can never name a title or artist, but I can sing -out of key- to just about every song there is. Albeit, often I make up my own lyrics. ["Bad Moon Rising" by CCR...I totally sing, 'bathroom on the right.' Every time. Sometimes just to make Mark mad.]

Lately, music has shifted my emotions into overdrive. So many song lyrics that have held my sentiments now mean even more to me. This week, I started my gym membership back up which means dusting off my earbuds. For me, I know one of the best things I can do to stave off spiraling into a deep depression is to exercise and let my endorphins help me cushion the blow. However, I have quickly learned not to shuffle through my music. Cue...awkward crying fit on my treadmill. Here are a few that hold my heart these days.

Lost Boy, Ruth B - [Do yourself a favor and click on it.]

When we were on vacation this summer, this song came on the radio all.the.time. It had me glad I was in the front seat where my children didn't have to see their crazy mother with tears streaming down her face over song lyrics. I was so afraid that we wouldn't meet Will. I was afraid that he would be a "lost boy" that would never be able to know our love. Lost and alone. Neverland, his home, sweet, home. His, "destiny soaring above the town that never loved" him. I wanted him to know that we did love him. Lots of people did. I prayed he would take just one breath and we could baptize him and know that his Neverland was possible because everyone loved him.

You & Me, DMB - [Do yourself another favor and click again.]

Dave has my heart. Which is okay, because he has Mark's too. :) "You & Me" has always been a song that causes my heart to skip a beat, but the very knowledge that we both know that we truly can do anything, now makes it resonate with me that much more. We will get through this. Our goal has always been to help our kids carve out their own path, so the lyrics, "when the kids are old enough, we are going to teach them to fly" now makes my heart ache. I dreaded the day our kids would be "old enough." However, I feel at peace in thinking we did all we could to help Will fly.

Hallelujah, Leonard Cohen - We prefer the cover by Noah Guthrie which I linked here.

Each of our children have their own lullaby. We sang it to them each night before bed when they were little, (and sometimes still do). For Norah we sing her "Hail Mary, Gentle Woman" before bed as her middle name is Mary so she loves hearing her name. Emma was a really colicky baby, so we sang her "Baby Mine" from Dumbo as she was always crying when we put her to bed. She is by-far our most emotional child, so it is still quite fitting for her now. Grace, no shock, we sang "Amazing Grace" each night. For Will, we sang, "Hallelujah." In Hebrew, Hallelujah means "Glory to God." Though most of the lyrics really aren't that appropriate in meaning, the very idea of giving glory to God, made it a very fitting song for him and often would calm him as we sang. The line, "love is not a victory march" gets me. "It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah." No matter how much I loved Will, my love for him was not going to change his fate and though we gave glory to God for having him here for what short time we did...there are definitely days that, admittedly, it seems cold and broken. The irony also catches me now with this song, as Leonard Cohen passed away at the beginning of November so this song that was never really played that often is now played all the time.