Year of Mercy

The past few days have presented cruelties much worse than I ever imagined. I had mentally prepared myself so that the day that we had to say goodbye to Will, I could protect my heart. However, I did not prepare myself for the days beyond his last breath. There seems like nothing crueler than waking up with full breasts and empty arms. Hearing cries in the middle of the night, only to walk to his crib and realize he is not in it. Folding laundry and finding his tiny socks that were on his feet, what seems like, just moments ago. 

I am trying hard to focus on the mercy that we have been shown over the past few days. The way that Mark and I were able to both be with him when he took his last breath. The way that he peacefully went to sleep in our arms being rocked in a room that was made just for him. The way that he passed while the girls were at school so they didn't have to be there when the nurse arrived. We could not have dreamed of a more peaceful way for Will to exit this world. 

During this Jubilee Year of Mercy there is no doubt that we have experienced the utmost of God's mercy. December 8th, they opened the Holy Doors, where according to the USCCB "anyone who enters will experience the love of God who consoles, pardons, and instills hope." This is right around the time when Mark and I decided we wanted to try for a fourth child. So much hope was wrapped up in this little boy that, it seems only fitting that on Sunday, the doors closed, encompassing all of William's life within this jubilee year. What a beautiful year it was.